Applesauce Records

Medley












Home | Our Work | Twists and Turns | Biography | Contact Us | The Thoughts Behind the Work | Sean's Stories




















Medley: You Never Sharpen My Pencil-Pun King-Mean Colonel Mustard-Her Majesty-Chipped Beef and Ham-She Came In Through the Kitchen Window

 

 

 

You Never Sharpen My Pencil (parody of "You Never Give Me Your Money")

(Working Class Hero/Bertone Beatle)

 

You never sharpen my pencil

You only give me your mechanical pencils

And in the middle of a teacher’s lecture

It break down

 

You never let me copy your homework

You always tell me to do it myself

And when the teacher comes to collect it

I break down

 

Kicked out of college, money gone

Have no house, so get bent

All my hope is gone, nowhere to go.

 

Can't get a job, education’s lacked
Now I’m here, there’s no turning back
Feel so poor and low, nowhere to go

But oh, that awful feeling
No place to live
Oh, that awful feeling
No options left
No place to live
Ah, Ooo, Ah, Ooo, Ah
 
One sweet dream
Live in a house, turn into a sex machine
I'll never get away from here
Drinking a beer, wasting the night away
One sweet dream
Trampled today
Trampled today
Trampled today

One two three four five six seven
All good students go to college
 
Pun King (parody of  "Sun King")
(Ogen)
 

Here comes the pun king

Here comes the pun king

Everybody's laughing

Cause his jokes are stupid

Here comes a punning

 

A man walked into a bar and then he said ow that hurts

What do you call a burning pickle You call it Can-dill

I'm sorry for the last joke, it wasn't punny at all

 

Mean Colonel Mustard  (parody of "Mean Mr. Mustard")
(Working Class Hero/Bertone Beatle)

Mean Colonel Mustard sleeps in the lounge
Shaves in the hall; Choosing his next victim
Creeps down to the room with the gun
Picks it up, and he decided to run
He decides to use it on Professor Plum
Such a mean old man
What a crazy old man

Professor Plum was in the lounge
Reading a book when the door opened
He took him out, with a bullet or two
Hid her body in a dark, empty room
Now it’s in a dark, empty tomb
Such a crazy old man
Crazy old man

 

Her Majesty (parody of "Her Majesty")

(Working Class Hero/Bertone Beatle)

 

Her Majesty's a pretty shitty song, and it doesn't have a lot to say

Her Majesty's a pretty shitty song, and i hate it more every day

I want to say that I hate it a lot, because it's a shitty way to end Abbey Road

Her Majesty's a pretty shitty song, it's just a worthless waste of time

Yeah, it's just a worthless waste of time

 

Chipped Beef and Ham (parody of "Polethene Pam")

(Working Class Hero/Youngbeatle)

 

Don’t you dare eat your chipped beef and ham

It’s so gross tasting and it tastes worse than spam

Put it in a paper bag

Cause it is making me gag

Don’t you dare eat your chipped beef and ham

 

Blah blah blah

 

Just a taste of it will make you throw up

After you eat you throw up in a cup

It’ll make your stomach twirl

You feel like you’re gonna hurl

I guess you could say that dinner tastes like shit

 

Yeah yeah yeah

 

She Came in Through the Kitchen Window (parody of "She Came in Through the Bathroom Window")

(Working Class Hero/Youngbeatle)

 

She came in through the kitchen window

And in her mouth, a wooden spoon

Now she walks around the kitchen

Lookin’ round, searching for some food

 

Didn’t anybody feed her

Why did she never eat

 

Monday she sits on the toilet

Tuesday she steals more food from me

 

She said she’d always been a criminal

Stole from 15 folks a day

She said she’d never stole from no one

Well I knew that she couldn’t stay

 

Took her to the police deparment

Told her to get a steady job

And though they tried their best to help her

In her heart, she knew she’d always rob

 

Didn’t anybody feed her

Why did she never eat

 

Monday she sits on the toilet

Tuesday she steals more food from me