“That could be the best one,” Ben said. The clerk replied, “It’s one of me favourites as well. Do you wish to hear more?” Ben said, “Definitely, mate.” The clerk grabbed a video off the shelf, the cover was all black, and had a chap being beat up with a baseball bat. The clerk said, “This one’s called “Cheater Don’t Win”.”

Title: Cheater's Don't Win

Announcer: Ninth inning, Game 7 of 2045’s World Series Baseball Championship the Hollywood Hares are winning by one run ahead of the Paris Paupers. Robert Johnson does his high leg kick wind-up. He throws, STRIKE THREE! The Hollywood Hares are the World Champions of the WORLD-WIDE BASEBALL LEAGUE! THEY WIN! ROBERT JOHNSON AND KURT GILLING LEAD THEIR TEAM TO A WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONSHIP! THEY WIN! THEY WIN!

On the field, fans storm down screaming as the players all hug each other, happy they’ve won the World Series. A photographer walks up and takes a picture of Robert Johnson and Kurt Gilling standing side by side smiling.

THE NEXT DAY

A newspaper from the stands reads:

“Hollywood Hares World Series Champs Thanks To Kurt Gilling and Robert Johnson!”

Man Reading Paper In Stands: Oi, so they won eh?

Stand owner: Led the team to victory basically.

Man: Johnson’s a flame thrower, Gilling’s a control pitcher.

Stand Owner: You’re right about that.

HOLLYWOOD HARE’S OFFICE

Assistant General Manager Albert Halsey talks to General Manager Geoff Aspinall.

Albert: Sir, Do you realize that after next season Kurt and Robert will both be free agents.

Geoff: We’ll be screwed after that. There’s nothing we can do except trade them.

Albert: What would we get in return, Sir?

Geoff: Minor leaguers, cash something that’ll come in handy for the future.

Albert: Right. Do you want to go ahead and market them?

Geoff: To soon after the World Series. We’ll do it in the Winter Meetings.

Albert: Right!

WINTER MEETINGS, 2045

Table full of General Managers.

General Manager #1: Welcome Geoff, Albert. The World Series Champs.

He started a round of applause with the other General Managers for the two men.

Geoff: Thank you all very much. Thank you. Big news we’re marketing Robert and Kurt. Any takers?

Lots of General Managers raised their hands. Geoff and Albert smiled.

Geoff: Alright.

ONE WEEK LATER…

Newspaper stands. The newspaper read:

“KURT AND ROBERT TRADED TO SEPERATE TEAMS!”

Man: They were both bloody traded to two different teams.

Stand Owner: Oi, Robert was traded to the London Lizards.

Man: Damn, I hate that team!

Stand Owner: And Kurt was traded to the Liverpool Beatles.

Man: Yes! My favourite damn team! Yes!

GENERAL MANAGER OFFICE OF THE HOLLYWOOD HARES

Geoff: We did the right thing.

Albert: Right.

Geoff: Got a shit load of prospects and cash. Ha-Ha.

NEWS STAND

Man ( Reading paper): My team Liverpool is facing London on opening day! Kurt Vs. Robert!

Owner: I was meaning to tell you Rocky.

Rocky: I’m going to see that. This year the Liverpool Beatles will win the World Series.

Owner: But oi, it’s been 86 bloody years since that’s happened. London’s won it three times in the last seven series.

Rocky: Bloody money spenders. Hate those London Lizards. What’s this?

He continues reading the story.

Rocky: My God!

Owner: What?

Rocky: Kurt and Robert have been bloody arguing with each other since the trade. Their arguments sound a bit nasty.

Owner: Who cares? That means that on Opening Day they’ll bloody pitch better.

Rocky: I suppose so. Still sounds a bit wrong.

He folded up the paper, paid for it, and walked off.

OPENING DAY, LIVERPOOL STADIUM

Kurt Gilling walks on the mound.

Announcer: And it’s a beautiful day for a ballgame and today opening day here at Liverpool, as rivals Liverpool Beatles take on the London Lizards with their new pitchers facing each other. Former teammates Kurt Gilling and Robert Johnson face each other today in an interesting pitching duel.

THREE HOURS LATER

Announcer: Bottom of the ninth inning both Kurt and Robert have pitched perfect games. Robert delivers the pitch to Juan Canseco and WOW! A DEEP DRIVE IN LEFT FIELD! THE GAME IS OVER, LIVERPOOL WINS! But what a pitching match both pitchers pitching perfect games till the bottom of the ninth and Juan Canseco hits a solo home run winning the game for the Liverpool Beatles. Dramatic and classic game!

On the mound Robert turns around glaring at Kurt. Kurt sitting in the dugout tries to avoid Johnson’s gaze. Robert storms off the mound to his team’s dugout.

TWO HOURS LATER…

Kurt is driving to his house in his car.

Kurt ( on phone): Yes, dear I’m on my way home right now. Don’t worry I’m fine. Did you see the game? Perfect game plus I beat that bastard Robert. Okay love you.

He hung up his cell phone. Suddenly a car drove up behind Kurt’s crashing into the back of Kurt’s car.

Kurt: Who the hell is that?

He tried to look behind him but, the car knocked Kurt’s car off the road. Kurt’s car got stuck in a ditch.

Kurt: Shit!

He got out his car.

Kurt: Asshole.

Suddenly a baseball bat hit him in the face knocking him on the ground.

Kurt: Who the bloody f### was that?

Another hit from the bat, more hits followed. Robert leaned over Kurt.

Robert: One more blow and you should be dead.

Kurt: Robert, what the f### is this for?

Robert: Sorry pal, but I’m not becoming a loser.

He slammed the bat on Kurt killing him instantly. Robert threw his bat in the woods near the ditch. He took off his gloves, and threw them on Kurt’s body.

Robert: Game over Kurt!

He got in his car and drove off.

THE NEXT MORNING

Rocky picks up the morning paper.

Rocky: Holy Shit!

The headline read:

“Kurt Gilling All-Star Pitcher For The Liverpool Beatles Murdered Last Night!”

Stand Owner: What Rocky?

Rocky: Kurt Gilling has been murdered.

Stand Owner: What The Bloody Hell!?

Rocky: Kurt was murdered.

THE DITCH WHERE KURT’S BODY WAS

Kurt stands in the ditch surrounded by police who pick up his body on the ground.

Kurt: What’s going on?

He sees the cops picking up his body.

Kurt: What the hell they’re picking me up yet, I stand here?

He pushes a cop only his hand goes through the cop.

Kurt: Oh God! Ghosts don’t exist though? I thought they didn’t. That rat bloody bastard Robert did this to me. He got mad at me for winning and bloody killed me. Son-of-a-bitch! I’ll get his bloody arse for this! I will, but I’ll get him when he’s at the top of his game. Oh yes, I’ll get him while he’s happy. Ha-Ha-Ha…

SEVERAL MONTHS LATER…

Announcer: Bottom of the ninth, Game 4 of the World Series. London Lizards Vs. Romania Vampires. Johnson with his high leg kick. STRIKE THREE! London wins the World Series Thanks to Robert Johnson! Robert Johnson showing that he was better than the late Kurt by leading his team to the World Series! Robert Johnson has done it again!

THE NEXT WEEK

SPORTSCENTER

News Anchor: And Robert Johnson was honored the World Series MVP today as well as earning the Abbey League Cy Young Award and Abbey League MVP Award. Wow! This guy had an amazing year showing that he was better than the late Kurt Gilling.

THAT NIGHT

ROBERT’S HOUSE

Robert is strolling about his mansion. Robert heard a noise from behind him.

Robert: Who the bloody hell is that?

He turns around. Suddenly the lights go out and Robert screams.

ONE HOUR LATER…

Cops are at the scene of Robert’s death.

Cop #1: Very weird Grant. We just found him all pale and stiff. Like he’d seen a ghost.

Grant: You’re right. Looks like something from those ghost movies. Ha-Ha.

Cop #1: At least he led his team to a championship before he died.

Grant: Right.

THE NEXT DAY

NEWS STAND

Rocky picks up his morning paper.

Rocky: What the bloody Hell!

Strand Owner: What happened?

Rocky: Robert Johnson’s dead!

Stand Owner: What!?

Rocky: Cops found his dead body all pale like he’d seen a ghost.

Stand Owner: That’s weird.

Rocky: Well at least those damn London Lizards know how we bloody Liverpool fans felt when Kurt died.

Stand Owner: Right.

LONDON LIZARDS GENERAL MANAGEMENT OFFICE

General Manager: Great! Our top pitcher’s dead!

Assistant: We could always get another one?

General Manager: What do we have to trade?

Assistant: Money and minor leaguers.

General Manager: You have a point. Let’s go after the Revolver League Cy Young Award Winner from last year. Jack Prudence.

Assistant: Okay, let’s get him at the Winter Meetings.

A COUPLE OF MONTHS LATER…

NEWS STAND

Rocky picks up his daily paper.

Rocky: Damn it!

Stand Owner: What Rocky?

Rocky: Those bloody Lizards.

Stand Owner: What the bloody Hell did they do now?

Rocky: Traded for a Cy Young Award pitcher.

Stand Owner: Shit! Those bloody bastards have endless amounts of cash.

Rocky: It’s amazing.

The ghost of Kurt was standing nearby looking eagerly at the paper Rocky was holding.

Kurt: Say your bloody prayers Jack.

THE NEXT DAY

NEWS STAND

Rocky: Wow! Another Murder!

Stand Owner: Another one?

Rocky: Never thought I’d be happy to hear about a murder. Jack Prudence is dead! That Cy Young Award Pitcher the Lizards traded for! Take that you bloody Lizards!

Strand Owner: Ha-Ha.

LONDON LIZARDS GENERAL MANAGER OFFICE

General Manager: Let’s go after some more players, I guess.

Assistant: Right, Sir.

THREE DAYS LATER…

NEWS STAND

Rocky: Another murder for the Lizards!

Stand Owner: Wow! Another bloody murder.

Rocky: Those bloody Lizards deserve it too. Ha-Ha.

Kurt is standing behind Rocky and the news stand owner.

Kurt: Faithful fans. Whenever those bloody London Lizards get another star player he’s dead. I’ll make sure of it. The London Lizards will never have another World Series Championship much less will they go to the playoffs for the rest of their existence. I’ll se to that. Cheaters don’t deserve championships. One more month till Opening Day. Play Ball!

Author's Note:

This one’s a good little story based on the rivalry between the Baseball teams the Boston Red Sox and the New York Yankees. I even rhymed the names of Curt Schilling with Kurt Gilling, and Randy Johnson with Robert Johnson. I also used the Liverpool Beatles as the Boston Red Sox, and the London Lizards with the New York Yankees. I like this story a lot, and the twist ending is excellent. I remember I was struggling to write a good twist ending to the story, and then I decided to walk me dogs L.J. and Nemo down the road. While I was walking, I came up with the idea of the ghost of Kurt Gilling killing all the Baseball stars the London Lizards got. That wasn’t the first time that walking me dogs helped me come up with a story. Overall, I liked this story a lot, a bloody great twist ending.