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“That was good,”
Ben said. “Ah, here’s another bloody good one,” the clerk announced. He grabbed a video from a shelf, this
time the cover was all purple, and the cover showed a little tyrannosaurus rex talking to a chap. The clerk said, “This
one’s called, “Sir, You Have The Wrong Time”.”
Title:
''Sir, You Have The Wrong Time''
HOUSE IN MIDDLE OF NOWHERE
An old man sits in a chair staring out his living room window.
Brian:
I miss the old days, never had all these damn electronics, cars, uh…
He stares longingly out his window, looking
at the dreary moor area around his yard.
Brian: I’ve always been lonely. Nobody ever wanted to hang around me,
never hang around the guy who hates all modern achievements. Yeah, that’s what they all say, always calling me an old
fart as well.
Suddenly he hears a roaring sound outside in his yard.
Brian: What was that?!
He walked
out of his house, hearing the loud roaring sound. Suddenly out of the bushes walks a tiny little Tyrannosaurus Rex.
Brian:
Jesus Christ! It can’t be.
He walked to the little creature which started making a low squealing sound.
Brian:
I could make millions off this. This is a dinosaur from the past. This has to be a dinosaur. I’ve seen no other animal
like this before.
He started softly stroking the dinosaur, but suddenly the dinosaur made a snap at Brian’s finger.
Brian:
He’s probably hungry.
He went inside his house, and came back out with some soy.
Brian: I know you Tyrannosaurus
Rexes like eating meat, but I’m a vegetarian so you’ll have to eat soy, sorry.
The little dinosaur started
eating the soy, chewing it with curiosity.
Brian: Good boy.
He rubbed the T-Rexes head, which this time did
not try to bite Brian.
Brian: I’ll call somebody…I’ll call a reporter.
He went inside his
house and called a reporter on the phone.
Brian: Hello, is this Duke Jones?
Duke: Yes, how may I help?
Brian:
Listen my name is Brian Kirkaldy, I live at 906 Strawberry Avenue. I’ve got a big story here.
Duke: Okay, be
right there.
He hung up.
Brian: I’ll make millions.
20 MINUTES LATER…
A fancy car
arrives in Brian’s driveway. Duke Jones gets out his car.
Duke: So what’s this bloody big story, you’re
talking about Brian?
Brian: I’ll take you right to it.
He led Duke to a shed he had in his backyard.
Brian:
You may be a bit surprised.
He opened the door of the shed, but nothing was there.
Brian: What?! Where’s
the dinosaur?
Duke’s eyes went wide with amusement.
Duke: You called me here to show me an imaginary dinosaur.
Brian:
It’s real. It was just in this shed a couple of minutes ago.
Duke: Get some sleep, or stop smoking bloody marijuana,
bloody nonsense.
Duke walked off, got in his car, and drove off.
Brian: I could’ve made millions.
THE
NEXT DAY
Brian got in his car.
He started to turn the key, then thought.
Brian: Never have really liked
cars. Never have. Why not?
He got out his car and started running. He ran to a nearby city.
Brian: Hope I don’t
have a heart attack.
He started laughing to himself. He walked in a small market. He heard the villagers whispering
behind his back.
Villager #1( whispering): Is that him?
Villager #2( whispering): Oh yeah, the dinosaur guy.
Ha-Ha.
The two villagers started laughing.
Brian( under breath): Losers…
He bought his food and
left the market. He started walking to his house. When he reached his house, he saw the T-Rex playing around in the yard.
Brian:
Hey, you’re back.
He got on the ground and started petting the dinosaur.
Brian: You deserve a name. I’ll
name you Ram. Yeah Ram. It’s a bloody good name if you ask me.
He stroked Ram some more, got up, and walked back
in his house.
BRIAN’S HOUSE, THAT NIGHT
Brian started getting soy out of his fridge. He lay the soy on
the table. He started getting the soy out of the box, ready to put it in the microwave but suddenly stopped himself.
Brian:
That’s funny. Got the urge to eat soy without micro waving it.
He got out a fork and started eating soy right
out the little package.
Brian: mm. That’s good.
He took a drink from his cup of hot tea. He then took
another bite of soy.
Brian: Wow, Tastes much better without micro waving it.
He continued eating the cold soy.
Brian:
Delicious.
7 MINUTES LATER…
Brian went outside with a plate full of cut up soy.
Brian: Here you
go Ram.
He fed the T-Rex the soy.
Brian: Where were you when Duke came over? Huh? Could’ve made millions
of dollars, man finds dinosaur in his own yard, amazing. Of course, now everybody thinks I’m a nut. Oh well…
He
got up off the ground and walked back in his house.
THE NEXT DAY
Brian walked into town, walking in the market
to buy some more soy. He was so hungry that last night that he ate all of the soy he bought from the market the day before.
Brian just walked from the market with his groceries when a villager walked up to Brian.
Villager #1: So Brian, where’s
your car?
Brian: Stopped driving it.
The villager started following Brian.
Villager #1: Why?
Brian:
Because I got sick of it, Terry.
Terry: That’s bloody stupid. You’re giving up the whole car because you’re
sick of it.
Brian: Will you just leave me alone?
Terry grabbed Brian’s arm but Brian shoved Terry backward.
Terry:
Why you bloody little…
He made his hands into fists ready to fight. Brian seeing he had no chance at winning
this fight, dropped his groceries, and picked up a large stick on the ground. He swung it hitting Terry in the face. Terry
fell to the ground unconscious. A group of villagers ran to Terry on the ground.
Villager #1: Wow! You knocked him
senseless.
Brian: Just protecting myself.
Villager #2: You were like a caveman with that stick, knocked Terry
out cold.
Brian walked off, down the road back to his house.
BRIAN’S HOUSE
Brian walked in his
house and put the groceries on his table. He walked outside seeing Ram. Brian leaned down and petted Ram.
Brian: Hey
Ram.
Suddenly Ram took off towards the dark moors. Brian followed Ram, and Ram led him to a small hole in the ground.
Brian saw a gleaming object in the hole.
Brian: What’s that?
He picked up the object.
Brian: Jesus
Christ, what the hell is this?
He flicked a switch and suddenly Ram started talking to Brian.
Ram: Hello.
Brian:
You can talk.
Ram: Only when you flip that switch.
Brian: Is this a joke or something? Am I imagining this?
Ram:
No, you’re not.
Brian: A talking dinosaur! I could make billions of dollars.
Ram: Sorry, but that’s
not going to happen.
Brian: What do you mean?
Ram: You’re coming with me.
Brian: To where?
Ram:
To the past.
Brian: How the bloody hell am I going to the past?
Ram: Quite easy, actually. The object you hold
in your hands is a time portal.
Brian: Time portal?
Ram: Yes, when you push down on that lever it will take
you to the date you wish to go.
Brian: How do you work it?
Ram: I’ll get to that later. Brian ever wonder
why you eat raw, cold soy, why you handled that stick real well against that villager, wonder why you don’t like cars?
You’re a caveman.
Brian: A Caveman!
Ram: That’s right. I was your pet in the past. One day we discovered
this time portal which was left on Earth by aliens. You used it and came to the future, you’re in someone else’s
body, you’re somebody else. When I found out what date you were in, I came to get you.
Brian: What’s my
real name?
Ram: You don’t have one. You’re a caveman. Brian Kirkaldy is an old business man. You possessed
him when you came here.
Brian: So I have to go back?
Ram: You have a family as a caveman. Course I guess you
can’t eat soy there though. Of course the reason you’re a vegetarian is because the real Brian is one.
Brian:
I have a family in the past.
Ram: You won’t be lonely. It’s time to come back.
Brian: I guess you’re
right. When I go back the real Brian will have control of himself again?
Ram: Definitely.
Brian: I guess it’s
for the better.
Ram: You work the time portal by pulling down on the lever. Once you do that it basically reads your
mind and takes you back to where you wish to go. You ready?
Brian: Yes.
He pulls the switch and slowly him and
Ram disappear, and start their trip back to their home.
Author's Note:
Out of all the stories in this collection, this story is definitely
the bloody weirdest of them all. Talking dinosaurs, tiny tyrannosaurus rexes, time machines etc, all the elements in creating
a strange story are here. That’s why I’m very proud of this story, I love the originality and the weirdness of
it. The strange thing is the inspiration for it came from me thinking what if I was from the nineteen-sixty’s era, since
I love The Beatles etc. I also add a vegetarian reference in it with the soy(By the way, I do plan to become a vegetarian
when I get older.). Overall, the story is excellent, the twist ending is excellent, and the sheer bloody weirdness of it makes
this story one of me favourites from this collection.
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