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“That’s an interesting
one,” Ben remarked. The clerk said, “There’s still more.” Ben said, “How many are there?”
The clerk replied, “Oh, don’t worry, mate. There’s still some more I have to tell you.” The clerk
grabbed a video from a shelf, this time the cover was all yellow, and the cover showed a woman slamming a lead pipe on a chap’s
head. The clerk announced, “This one’s titled, “What A Shot!”.”
Title: What A Shot!
A woman is watching a basketball game on her TV.
Announcer:
And there goes Joe Walker down the line and he dunks the ball! Liverpool Beatles win this World-Wide Basketball League match!
They win tonight and it’s all thanks to Joe (known as JoJo by his teammates) Walker.
The woman turns off the
TV disgustedly.
Loretta: Ah, It’ll be your last game too, JoJo!
She grins wickedly as she picks up a lead
pipe awaiting JoJo’s return to his home.
Loretta: Been married to the bastard for 5 years and he’s always
running out on me. Well, I don’t care now, once I have his life insurance, I’ll be home free from him and have
his money. Ha-Ha.
She walks to the front window in the living room, looking for JoJo’s car. She doesn’t
notice her neighbor next door, watching her holding the lead pipe, looking very suspiciously at her.
20 MINUTES LATER…
JoJo
opens the front door of his house and walks in.
JoJo: Hey, honey did you see me on TV tonight? I was on fire.
He
walks through the house to the living room.
JoJo: Honey, where are you?
Loretta: Right here Joe!
She
slams the lead pipe on JoJo’s head, knocking him to the ground.
Neighbor (from inside house): JESUS CHRIST!
Loretta:
Who was that?
She drops her lead pipe and rushes to the front window, seeing the neighbor run from his living room
window.
Loretta: Jesus Christ! He saw me!
Quickly she went outside and threw the lead pipe in another neighbor’s
trash can. She walked back in the mansion putting water on the floor where JoJo’s body was. The doorbell rang.
Loretta:
Oh God!
She opened the front door and made the best sad face she could with fake tears.
Cop: What’s happened
here ma’am? We got a call from some guy saying he saw a murder occur here?
Loretta: Not a murder but…
She
started crying.
Loretta: JoJo… he slipped when he came home, and hit his head hard on the floor. I’m not
sure if he’s alive.
The cop ran to JoJo’s body. He felt JoJo’s pulse.
Cop: He’s alive.
Suddenly
paramedics came in the room with a stretcher. They put JoJo on the stretcher and carried him out. Loretta had a dissatisfied
look on her face.
Cop: You’re very lucky. I think he’s going to make it.
Suddenly the next door
neighbor walks in the mansion.
Neighbor: She’s a murderer.
Cop: Calm down sir, nobody was murdered.
Neighbor:
I saw her though.
Loretta: Its obvious Robert imagined that I murdered JoJo.
Robert: You got to believe me.
She murdered him.
Cop: Sir, what makes you think this lady here, murdered JoJo?
Robert: I don’t know,
but she bashed him over the head with a lead pipe.
Cop: Well, if you ask me, it looked like he slipped. See there’s
water all over here.
Robert: But…
Cop: You obviously imagined this supposed murder. Get some sleep maybe.
Robert:
Uh…
He walked out the mansion, very mad.
Cop: What a nutcase! Do you need a lift to the hospital?
Loretta:
No, I’ll just drive there on my own.
Cop: Okay.
ONE HOUR LATER…
Loretta is sitting in a waiting
room. A doctor approaches her.
Doctor: We took some X-rays on your husband, and he appears to be okay. Minor head injuries,
he will need a couple of days to rest here.
Loretta: Okay.
Doctor: He’s kind of unconscious right now,
so you should probably go home right now.
Loretta: Thank you, Doctor.
She left the hospital.
LORETTA’S
MANSION
Loretta walks into her mansion and lies down on a couch.
Loretta: Jesus Christ! Why didn’t he
die?! God! Uh…..
She starts crying out real tears in sadness that she couldn’t kill her husband.
4
DAYS LATER
JoJo and Loretta arrive back to the mansion in their car.
Loretta: Well here we are.
JoJo:
It’s good to be back.
He gets out the car and walks to the front door. He opens the door and walks inside. Loretta
stays outside looking out at Robert’s living room window seeing him standing up, watching her and JoJo.
Loretta(under
breath): Got to do something about him.
Loretta walks in through the front door, closing it as she walks in the mansion.
JoJo:
Boy, I can’t wait to get back on the team tomorrow and play.
Loretta: Who are you playing tomorrow, dear?
JoJo:
Those damn New York Lakers, always spending money on big name players. We’ll show them though in this game and the playoffs.
Loretta:
That’s nice.
She walks over to the kitchen counter picking up a knife. She thinks about killing JoJo. Suddenly,
the doorbell rings.
JoJo: I’ll get it.
He opened the front door seeing Robert.
Robert: Hey, Joe.
JoJo:
Hey, Rob. Do you want to come in?
Robert: Uh…no. Can we talk outside?
JoJo: Yeah, sure.
Loretta
hears this and immediately approaches JoJo.
Loretta: But JoJo, the doctor told you to get plenty of rest. You’ll
also need it for tomorrow’s game.
Robert glares at her.
JoJo: Oh come on dear, we won’t be out for
long.
Loretta: Uh… I don’t know JoJo.
JoJo: Oh come off it dear, I won’t be gone for long.
Before
she can say anything else, JoJo walks outside with Robert.
Loretta: Shit!
She opens the front door, only JoJo
and Robert are gone.
Loretta: Damn it. Where the hell is he?! Damn.
She searches around the yard but can’t
find them.
Loretta: Maybe he won’t believe Robert. At least I hope he won’t.
She walks back in the
mansion.
8 MINUTES LATER…
JoJo walks back in the mansion.
JoJo: Jesus! Honey, did you hear that
pack of lies, Rob was telling to me?
Loretta: About what?
JoJo: About you trying to murder me.
Loretta:
Always knew he was a bit crazy.
JoJo: What a loser. Ha-Ha.
Loretta and JoJo start laughing.
THE NEXT
MORNING
Loretta sits down at the kitchen table to have breakfast with JoJo.
Loretta: So what time is your game,
JoJo?
She takes a sip of orange juice from a cup JoJo gave her.
JoJo: I may not be playing tonight.
Loretta:
Why?
JoJo: I’ll be too busy with you.
Loretta: Uh…
She fell out of her chair, on the ground.
JoJo:
I put a sleeping pill in your drink, dear. Yesterday Rob told me all about your little murder plan. I also remembered you
hitting me on the head, the night I went to the hospital. You will enjoy what I have in store for you, dear. Ha-Ha.
Loretta
falls asleep on the floor from the sleeping pill.
THAT NIGHT
NEW YORK BASKETBALL COURT
Security Guard
#1: What was that, Larry?
Larry: Sounds like somebody’s on the court.
Security Guard #1: But the game
doesn’t start till 7. It’s only 2.
Larry: Let’s check it out.
The two security guards walk
in the basketball court seeing JoJo.
Security Guard #1: Holy Shit!
The two security guards looked on in amazement
at the sight that lay before them. On the court lay several severed body parts belonging to Loretta. JoJo was in the middle
of throwing her head in the basketball goal. He ran up to the goal, jumped in the air, and slammed dunk her head in the basketball
goal.
JoJo: SLAM DUNK! Ha-Ha.
Author's Note:
"What A Shot!” is heavily inspired by EC Comics (“Tales
From The Crypt”, “Vault Of Horror”, “Haunt Of Fear” etc.), and I do not think much of it. I
just hate it, and it barely made the collection. There are two Beatles’ references in it, for instance the team name
the Liverpool Beatles, and the two main characters Loretta and JoJo, who were two characters’ names from The Beatle’s
song “Get Back”. It’s got an EC Comics-inspired storyline, and an EC Comics-inspired ending. It’s
just not that good, but that’s just my opinion. Let’s just say that I’ve written much, much better stories
than this.
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